Saturday, April 27, 2013

So some of you may know this and some of you may not. I normally keep things to myself because quite frankly I am a pretty private person; there are very few people that I actually allow into my “bubble”. However, since I want God to receive the glory for all of my life I decided that I would share a very personal matter, part of my story. I have had great encouragement from a dear friend of mine and having just gone through a Priscilla Shrier conference. 
I struggle with infertility, not being able to conceive a child. My husband and I will be married for 9 years in June and we have been unable to conceive. Most of the time I am 100% ok with not currently having children yet, there are times I just want to cry the day away. I know that God is the opener and closer of the womb. I am 100% ok with Him being in control all the time, I do not wish to have His job, I would screw it up bad. I know that His plan for me is known to Him alone, I can’t fathom the big picture. God has blessed me in so many ways. The first thing He did was erase my past (if I have ever hurt one of you I am truly sorry, I truly am not the person I used to be). Many of you may know bits and pieces about my past, some may think that I am worthless, but God doesn’t. He picked me up out of the miry clay and is turning me into something beautiful. I still sin and struggle often on a daily bases, yet I know longer dwell on my past cause I am FORGIVEN. I was bought at a price no normal man could pay. I have broken most if not all of the 10 commandments yet I am loved and was worth dying for. God has seen me through dark times that I won’t mention at this time.
I am not sure that God has it in His plans for me to have my own biological children but I want to say that I will be ok with that. I know there are several children that need someone. I know that in due time God will set the path to children before us. When that will be I am not sure. I try to be content in my current circumstances. I can come and go as I please for the most part, visiting my 14 nieces and nephews. My husband and I can just take a drive or go for long visits to see family. I am able to minister through my job to our college students, which some have adopted us and call us mom and dad. We had the privilege of being a house parent to 24 children as well as ministering to other students at Happy Hill Farm. Also, I worked over 15 years in childcare of some sort. So my life has been blessed with wonderful children, never any I could truly call my own whether biological or adopted.
Anyway I am writing this not for sympathy or a pity party for Tim and I. But, as an encouragement to those of you who may be dealing with infertility you are not alone. God has a plan for each and every one of our lives, I am not sure what the details for each one of yours maybe but He knows. Also, to let you know of a way to pray for us. I want to be patient and at peace with God’s timing. I also want for more than anything for God to receive glory through our story. I do not normally dwell on my infertility but at times it is tough. I pray that God truly would continue to prepare our hearts for His plan whether it will ever have children dwelling under our roof, for us to call our own or not. Please keep in prayer infertile couples that you may or may not know or you may think maybe. has many useful tips and information about what to say to infertile people and also gives perspective of someone who is struggling with infertility too. I am not really the one to talk a whole lot about infertility at this point but my friend at aroyaldaughter is. THANKS for reading my super long posting. May you all find God, and may He bless you all.