So some of you may know this and some of you may not. I normally keep things to myself because quite frankly I am a pretty private person; there are very few people that I actually allow into my “bubble”. However, since I want God to receive the glory for all of my life I decided that I would share a very personal matter, part of my story. I have had great encouragement from a dear friend of mine and having just gone through a Priscilla Shrier conference. 

I struggle with infertility, not being able to conceive a child. My husband and I will be married for 9 years in June and we have been unable to conceive. Most of the time I am 100% ok with not currently having children yet, there are times I just want to cry the day away. I know that God is the opener and closer of the womb. I am 100% ok with Him being in control all the time, I do not wish to have His job, I would screw it up bad. I know that His plan for me is known to Him alone, I can’t fathom the big picture. God has blessed me in so many ways. The first thing He did was erase my past (if I have ever hurt one of you I am truly sorry, I truly am not the person I used to be). Many of you may know bits and pieces about my past, some may think that I am worthless, but God doesn’t. He picked me up out of the miry clay and is turning me into something beautiful. I still sin and struggle often on a daily bases, yet I know longer dwell on my past cause I am FORGIVEN. I was bought at a price no normal man could pay. I have broken most if not all of the 10 commandments yet I am loved and was worth dying for. God has seen me through dark times that I won’t mention at this time.

I am not sure that God has it in His plans for me to have my own biological children but I want to say that I will be ok with that. I know there are several children that need someone. I know that in due time God will set the path to children before us. When that will be I am not sure. I try to be content in my current circumstances. I can come and go as I please for the most part, visiting my 14 nieces and nephews. My husband and I can just take a drive or go for long visits to see family. I am able to minister through my job to our college students, which some have adopted us and call us mom and dad. We had the privilege of being a house parent to 24 children as well as ministering to other students at Happy Hill Farm. Also, I worked over 15 years in childcare of some sort. So my life has been blessed with wonderful children, never any I could truly call my own whether biological or adopted.

Anyway I am writing this not for sympathy or a pity party for Tim and I. But, as an encouragement to those of you who may be dealing with infertility you are not alone. God has a plan for each and every one of our lives, I am not sure what the details for each one of yours maybe but He knows. Also, to let you know of a way to pray for us. I want to be patient and at peace with God’s timing. I also want for more than anything for God to receive glory through our story. I do not normally dwell on my infertility but at times it is tough. I pray that God truly would continue to prepare our hearts for His plan whether it will ever have children dwelling under our roof, for us to call our own or not. Please keep in prayer infertile couples that you may or may not know or you may think maybe. 

aroyaldaughter.com has many useful tips and information about what to say to infertile people and also gives perspective of someone who is struggling with infertility too. I am not really the one to talk a whole lot about infertility at this point but my friend at aroyaldaughter is. THANKS for reading my super long posting. May you all find God, and may He bless you all.

Transitions

Wow how God's mighty hand is at work in our lives. A lot of people like to credit God's blessings to themselves however I am not one of them. God has brought me to far for me to even think I had a hand in it. I am nothing apart from God and it truly breaks my heart when others can't see the dying love (he really died to show His love) that He gave for all.

So I keep saying I will get on here and update you on God's blessings for us.

So I will very soon but here are some highlights.....
1. Leap of Faith moving back to East Tx
A. storage
B. Apartment
C. Classes
D. Job

2. Call to Minister
A. Housing
B. Provisions

3. Back in School
A. Godsends
B. Provisions

4. Girls Conference

5. Youth Growth

Oh how I long to tell you all the extent of God's blessings on us. But please be patient a lil bit longer. We know that we have prayer warriors behind us, and we keep you in our prayers too.

Mira's Story

Our Beautiful Pup

This is Mira (short for Miracle).

We found/adopted her February/2010

We were driving to Tim's Mom and Step Dads, there was snow on the ground on a farm to market rd, two lane rd, 60-65 mph. Mira was walking on the road in the opposite lane then we were in and we passed her before we could tell she was there (as you can see from the picture Mira is white) she blended with the snow it was so hard to see her. All of the dangerous weather conditions, tugged our hearts. We couldn't just let her stay there and get ran over or starve to death. So we turned around to get her. We pulled over to pick her up and she just cowered away. I had some bread in the car so I gave her a peice and she woofed it down, she let me then get closer to her and touch her. It hurt her for me to touch her anywhere but her face. So I finally was able to scoop her up and I put her in the floorboard at my feet so she could defrost.

We had to get her off the street but with us working at the farm we knew we couldn't keep her. We stoped at the Police department about a mile up the road. I went in and Tim stayed outside to allow Mira to defrost. I asked the lady if there was an ASPCA, or Animal Control that we could take her to them. Since she needed so much help. The lady told me it's Saturday just put her back where you found her cause the offices were closed on the weekend. I was appauled at that response, putting her back where we found her was not an option.

We took her with us to my In-Laws, (they have a snauzer who doesn't care for other dogs especially in her house) we knew they wouldn't be happy with us bringing her there but they are dog people so we took her with us. They let us bring her in and we made a barrier on the tile floor so that we could clean, warm and defrost her. My In-Laws tried from there house to see if there was any place to take Mira but there wouldn't be till Monday and that option was the pound (eww I didn't like the options). Well we were house sitting for my In-Laws, that is why we going to their house. Anyway once they left I started to clean up Mira cutting away the mated fur so I could see how bad she was under the fur.

Severely emaciated, her fur was mated so bad that it was causing her to bleed and making it extreme hurtful and hard for her to walk, the pads on her feet were bald, from the weather and the distance she had walked (we think). The cold had damaged her eyes, all she could see was shadows. She was very boney and had several raw spots and a burn on her shoulder from what, we weren't sure. Well we took her to Cay's for the week till I could take her to Cal's. They agreed to board her for us. That made us so happy. Mira stayed with Cal till she was attacked, which only did damage to her eye (thankfully) we took her to the vet and they did emergency surgery to save her eye. (which I am now glad to say that she has complete use of it and there is only a microscopic scar on the lid as proof anything had happend). After that Cay said we could board her at thier house. So Mira resides with Cay till we can keep her.

Mira is a great dog! We are blessed to have our Miracle.

GOD is Good

Don't Limit God He will never cease to amaze.
WE were blessed today by 2 checks that we weren't really expecting! Wow how great was that! We still need jobs but God is faithful to His children.
If you aren't a child of God, I pray that you will search deep with in and the void that you may or may not find is probably Him knocking at your hearts door. So open the door and let Him in.

God wants for all to come to Him, humble yourself and ask Him to come and take over your life. I am not saying that it is an easy life to deny yourself and follow Him, but He is worth it. Now before you say well He doesn't love me STOP! don't even think it that could not be further from the truth. I can also tell you this I am not PERFECT, I didn't have to fix myself before I came to Him, He took me just the way I was imperfect, scarred and brutally ashamed of who I had become.
Does that mean that He has made me perfect now that I believe, no I sin everyday sometimes not even meaning to. I might think something I shouldn't or take something that I borrowed. ooops I am still human. But the most amazing news you will ever know is this. You have the ability to take the gift He offers, His son paid for it, and now your can be an heir with Jesus to the kingdom of heaven. Christ paid with His flesh and blood and died for all mankind who will you chose to follow.
You may think I don't want to choose right now I am shutting this blog ewww, slam off it goes! BUT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You thinking you are just walking away and not choosing is a lie when you walk away you are choosing, You are saying I don't need you God, I am a good person, I give to the needy and help those less fortunate than myself so I really don't need your God. Or you may think huh war, death, cancer, abuse and the likes there of (all these are forms of sin) if that is what God is about then I don't want it. How can "God" let that happen? Well good for you to think of all the sin in the world cause God doesn't like it either. He doesn't like war, death, cancer, abuse, and anything like it either, see you and God have something in common already.

The difference between you and God is that He has no sin, no wrong to make right. When He created Adam and Eve He wanted none of that sin. He however gave them free will (if you haven't noticed we're not robots) and they chose sin over the life God had chosen for them. Now you can see where the trouble lies, it is with man and that is why there is sin.
If you don't like sin, again you are in the same boat as Christ. The Bible even says that God can't be where sin is. That is why Christ Jesus came to die that the sin would be covered. We can be with God for eternity. By the way I didn't mention your other option the world, If you love the world and the ways of the world then you again are choosing. You can love sex, beer, drinking, affairs, money, fame, fortune and beauty but any of these are and can be worldly. Anything we put above God is sin. If your sins are not covered by the blood of Christ your choosing an eternity in Hell, yes I said Hell cause I want you to know it is real. You will never find Heaven or Hell on a map of the Earth, but I assure you they are real. Love nature, and the beauty that God has given us on this earth but don't "LOVE MOTHER NATURE" Love the one who created Nature. God has said in the BIBLE what He expects from us. If you have a question I will try and answer it or I will ask one of the many awesome men and/or women God has placed in my life. whatever the case check out God, before it is to late to choose differently. Find a God fearing Church (if you want to know how to find one ask me or go to any church ask to speak to the preacher or pastor He should answer yes or know to that question if He says no thank Him for his time and leave, if it is yes He fears the Lord then stay and ask questions). I Love God more than anything in this world my prayer is you will Love him too.
Please let me know if there is error here and I will pray about it freverently.

WOO HOO

My Beatiful Sister and Neice got to come and see me. God is good earlier this week I really missed her and she called last night and said I think I might come over, I said WOOHOO. So she talked to her hubby and they worked it out and now she is here, did I say Woo Hoo, cause if not then WOO HOO!!!!!!! So we so far went out to eat at Jalepeno Tree, and then saw my BFF Manda and her hubby David. Now we are visiting Momma and Poppa Smith and loving it Shiloh likes them and Cayla is getting to catch up with the Smith's. Cayla got the grand tour of their new place and Cayla loves it. So I'll post pics sometime to show y'all. Oh and the Smith's allowed Shiloh to meet their Shiloh who is a enormous Goofy dog. Needless to say they like each other. Well I will let you know how the rest of our adventure goes. WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pouring on the blessings

Where to begin well we have been praying for a while about where we should go and what we should do. Well God made it quite clear to us. We were looking for a church position in the area of Texas we were already in, but God plans are better. So let me take you on a tour of our past couple of months.

Searching
We prayed about what God would have us do and I mapped out for God what I thought was ideal for us. No further west than Mineral Wells, no farther east then Waxahachie, No further North than Benbrook/ HEB and No further South than Hillsboro. Well obviously God didn't like where I wanted to be, but I will get back to that in a minute. We were wanting to foster/adopt, but working where we were, this was not an option from the states view point. Also Tim was going to seminary online not very personable and not very easy to get to know others. (Not that he complained but it is very different from be surrounded by peers.) We knew we were called to the ministry so we knew God would work it in His timing. Also being involved in a Church family is huge part of who we are and serving in different ministries the church offers such as Choir, apartment ministries, men and/or women's ministry and definitely our Sunday School classes. So to put it bluntly we've never been considered back row baptists. We loved the church which we were at which was FIELD STREET BAPTIST CHURCH in Cleburne (check it out it is great). With our job however it was nearly impossible to be surrounded by our church family and getting to go to church once or twice a month was really hard. We love to be involved, encouraging other and being encouraged too. (God has a special place for overseas missionaries who give up everything to follow the call. If you know anyone in the ministry whatever the part or service pray for them to stand strong and not grow weary.) We were in state and able to see family and friends occasionally, even see our church family every once in a while, but it was hard not to be involved in the CHURCH. (enough about that)

The Path
Today is Aug 19, 2010. We received or answer about 3 weeks ago about what path God wanted us to go down. After doing my quite time one day God laid on my heart a couple of questions... Will you follow me? "Get up and do so" If you had 24 hours to leave what would you take? "Only what you need" Do you trust Me? Then Follow I am leading. When I heard this I went to Tim and asked him the same questions God had laid on my heart. He said that his quiet time was about the same except for he wasn't sure where the place God was calling us. I said Jacksonville, TX. He just looked at me cause he knew I didn't want to be that far from our nuclear family. I said "Leave and Cleave" which is in reference to the scripture when God says: your to leave your mother and father and cleave to one another. I said we are suppose to go live in the seminary housing a 1 bedroom 1 bath and your suppose to enroll there. (which we'ld love to have a house where we can have Mira our "mira"cle dog.) So we went to Jacksonville while we were on break. Tim stopped by the seminary talked with the dean and housing people. Getting in didn't seem like an issue but housing did. They were booked up all the houses. We stayed with my bf Manda and she say well how certain are you that y'all will come I said 98% sure she said, woo hoo you will be close again.
The Wait
Well the Friday before we were suppose to go back to work we but in our 2 week notice. (No jobs lined up for sure, Tim had a possible part-time but not enough to live on.) So we were already 89% packed during our break cause we felt God moving us to. We were dreading telling our boys cause we didn't really want to leave them. Our families and church. But everyone was so supportive. Some of the boys did cry and they were all upset but they were very sweet about it. We worried about who would take our spot as house parents and jobs money and where to live in Jacksonville. Every time I tried to worry God calmed my fears.
Worries
The boys: God's children and he had a great couple for them already lined up
The new couple: They had been hired for the elementary girls house but really wanted a boys house. They now got to be in the elementary boys house. We also got to help train them. So we got to see how great they will be with the boys.
The timing: Our job took our two week notice and said we didn't have to finish it since our replacements were already hired we would leave in good standing and could go back anytime we wanted.
When to leave then: We asked when would be our last day on schedule they said Sun so we hired a truck for Mon.
Our Stuff: We needed somewhere to store it cause we had no place to live. About 1/4 from seminary we booked 2 climate controlled units.
Where to Live: As we were unloading the truck, only 5-10 things left on it we got the call that our apartment was ready. How Good is God. We had to have the truck back by 8am the next morning so Tim calls and asks when do you need the truck and how much will it cost to keep it a little longer. She asked what was going on and so he told her she said have it here by 5pm and no extra charges will be added. God is good. Oh and I forgot that the lady we picked the truck up from gave us an extra 25 miles no extra charge.
OH the sweet blessings
We took a complete leap of Faith and God glided us gently to the ground. GODS blessings are awesome. From time to time satan tried to get us down by putting obstacles in our way and or trying to get us to worry and fret. But I tell you this GOD is bigger than satan and if you cast all your cares on Jesus, on God, and the Holy Spirit HE will bless you. I know what your thinking "one of your prayers, the one about a job hasn't been answered yet" well your right and I can't wait till it is answered so I can share it with you, GOD'S TIMING IS PERFECT.

New Chapter Revealed

So our new chapter is now revealed to all. We are moving back to East Texas. We are excited and heartbroken too. We told our boys tonight that we are moving back to East Texas and wouldn't be working with them anymore. There was a mix of emotions. Two said YOUR NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE.... Then came my tears. I know God is in control and He is working things out beautifully, what an awesome God we serve.
We are training our replacements some this week and they seem to be enjoying it, they have 2 boys of their own and the boys all get along well. Though my heart is breaking over the chapter we are closing I know God is here to catch my tears and my shattered heart and make something beautiful.
We Love All 7 of our boys they will always be in our hearts and prayers. Please pray for them, and the couple taking our place and please pray for our transition to give God the GLORY He deserves.
God Bless,
C